Spotlight
Men sometimes act less interested in sex… to get it
A man who gives the impression of wanting to have sex with anyone, anytime, is definitely not what most women are looking for. That could be why men acted way less interested in sex than they really were.
When heterosexuals have casual sex, previous research indicates it is typically the woman who sets the boundaries. If she’s not interested, usually nothing will happen.
“When men and women in the study met, about half of the men said they were interested in having sex with the woman, whereas most women were uninterested initially,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology’s (NTNU) Department of Psychology.
So the women in the study basically have little interest in having casual sex at first – unless they find the man really attractive.
But a man who gives the impression of wanting to have sex with anyone, anytime, is definitely not what most women are looking for. That could be why men acted way less interested in sex than they really were.
“Men who are overly eager do not come across as attractive,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair in the same department.
The whole thing is a tactical game, say the researchers, and the new NTNU research suggests that men and women’s real intentions may be different from the signals they send each other.
Bendixen is the first author of a recent study dealing with the sexual signals that men and women send to each other.
Do women really want to have sex?
Men who report being the most interested in having sex reduce their signals of interest more.
Evidence from the study suggested that women, on the other hand, might pretend to be a little more interested than they actually are.
“We think this may be to keep the man’s attention a little longer,” says Kennair, but this study does not speak to that directly.
Or perhaps the strategy gives her more opportunity to assess the quality of the guy. And as long as the woman does not seem to be excluding the possibility of sex, men across the board are willing to spend more time with her – and enabling her to check out whether he’s a good choice.
And, if a man is of high quality, that could actually shift the woman’s interest, so that an initially uninterested woman becomes truly interested in the man.
“The exception to this general sex difference is when the woman is as interested as the man. In this case, women also pretend to show less interest.”
“Both men and women who are truly interested in a partner might be trying to ‘play it cool.’ In economic terms, it’s about supply and demand. The most in-demand people are not the most available – they are a rare commodity in the mating game,” says Professor Martie Haselton of UCLA.
“By playing it cool, women and men can also avoid some of the sting of rejection if their partner is not actually interested in them,” says Haselton.
University intro week leads to more sex
The researchers collected two rounds of data from students at NTNU. The survey included questions such as when they last met with a potential sexual partner, and whether they eventually ended up having sex.
The first round of data collection took place in the spring, when most students are busy studying. The second round was in the autumn, right after the start of the semester and the introduction week activities.
The researchers found a significant difference between the two rounds. Sexual relationships were far more common during the autumn introduction week.
Women choose the most attractive guys
“Among singles, we found differences between men and women when it came to who ended up having sex,” says Bendixen.
Women were much more likely to have sex if they thought the potential partner was attractive. This was consistent with previous findings.
They were also far more likely to have sex if they were new students. Female students who had been at university for a while were much more selective.
“More than half of the new female students who had met an attractive partner the last time they were at a pub or at a party ended up having sex with him,” says Bendixen.
“This behaviour is probably related to two factors: one is the absence of ‘daughter-guarding’ or ‘sister-guarding'” once students arrive at university,” says Kennair.
Fathers – and siblings – might keep a watchful eye on young women’s sexual behaviour and dissuade them from having casual sex. This can be explained by evolutionary biology. But new students in a new city no longer have those same obstacles hindering their free sexual expression.
“The second factor has to do with the perception of increased competition for the men,” Bendixen says.
Female students outnumber male students. So in a lot of groups it can seem like there’s some competition for the men.
In this kind of a situation, women are more willing to have sex. The few guys that are available are simply perceived as more attractive.
Some get a lot – a lot get none
The most important factor in whether men had sex was how many sexual partners they have had previously. This could contribute to their being perceived as sexually attractive and available.
“It’s really the same reason for both men and women – the man’s sex appeal – that decides whether they end up having sex,” says Kennair.
So there’s a lot for some, and much less for the rest. Once a woman decides to have casual sex, she usually chooses the man she finds most sexually attractive.
Other studies show that long-term relationships function slightly differently. In this case women may have to lower their expectations a bit, because the most attractive men are often already taken or because they are able to pursue short-term relationships instead of long-term ones.
“A lot of women have had sex with more attractive partners than the men they end up with in long-term relationships,” says Kennair.
“In our research, women did not appear to act coy in general; rather both sexes downplay their signals if they are very interested. These are novel findings,” Bendixen notes. “Further, men do not pursue women that send signals of low interest.”
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Reference: APA PsycNET: Adjusting signals of sexual interest in the most recent naturally occurring opposite-sex encounter in two different contexts. Bendixen, Mons Kennair, Leif Edward Ottesen Biegler, Robert Haselton, Martie G.
NewsMakers
Study links coffee consumption to metabolic health and sex hormones
Despite having a similar body mass index (BMI), individuals with higher coffee consumption had lower total and visceral fat and greater skeletal muscle mass than those who consumed less coffee.
Coffee is one of the world’s most widely consumed beverages, and previous research has linked its consumption to a lower risk of conditions such as type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. However, the biological mechanisms behind these benefits remain unclear. A new Finnish study links habitual coffee consumption to healthier body composition and metabolic markers, while revealing distinct associations with sex hormones in men and women.
The study, conducted at the University of Oulu, analysed data from 2,264 participants aged 46 in the Northern Finland Birth Cohort 1966. Researchers examined how habitual coffee consumption was associated with circulating metabolites, cardiometabolic risk markers and sex hormones.
Despite having a similar body mass index (BMI), individuals with higher coffee consumption had lower total and visceral fat and greater skeletal muscle mass than those who consumed less coffee.
In both men and women, higher coffee consumption was correlated with lower circulating levels of branched-chain amino acids, biomarkers that have previously been linked to insulin resistance and an increased risk of type 2 diabetes when chronically elevated.
The strongest sex-specific associations were observed in men. Higher coffee consumption was linked to a more favourable glucose–insulin profile, higher concentrations of total and bioavailable testosterone, and increased levels of sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG). At the same time, free testosterone and the free androgen index were modestly lower. In women, hormonal associations were more limited and were primarily characterised by higher SHBG and lower measures of free androgens.
“Coffee is consumed by millions of people every day, yet we still know surprisingly little about how it relates to our metabolism and hormones. What stood out in our findings was a distinct hormonal signature that didn’t disappear even after we took into account BMI and lifestyle factors, with several of these associations differing between men and women,” says Luca Verroest, lead author of the study and Doctoral Researcher at the University of Oulu.
The results suggest that hormonal pathways may partly explain the relationship between coffee consumption and metabolic health. However, as this was an observational study, the findings demonstrate associations rather than cause-and-effect relationships.
The study is particularly relevant in Finland, one of the world’s highest coffee-consuming countries, where annual consumption averages around 11.8 kilograms per person.
The researchers say the findings provide a foundation for future studies aimed at determining whether coffee itself drives these biological changes and identifying the compounds responsible. These questions are currently being investigated in animal models, with the long-term goal of progressing to human intervention studies. Further research will be needed before the findings could inform dietary recommendations.
The study, Associations of habitual coffee intake with testosterone and cardiometabolic markers: the Northern Finland Birth Cohort 1966 study, has been published in the European Journal of Nutrition.
NewsMakers
Forget materialism, a simple life is happier: research
The commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.
In an age where billionaires and conspicuous consumption are increasingly on display, new Otago-led research shows a simple life really is a happier life.
The study led by University of Otago – Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka Department of Marketing researchers has recently been published in the Journal of Macromarketing.
After setting out to understand the relationship between consumption and wellbeing, the researchers found people are happier and more satisfied when adopting sustainable lifestyles and resisting the temptations of consumerism.
They analysed data from a representative sample of more than 1000 New Zealanders, made up of 51 per cent men and 49 per cent women, with a median age of 45 and a median annual household income of $50,000.
They found the commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.
Women are more likely to adopt a simple life than men, although more research is needed to understand why.
Co-author Associate Professor Leah Watkins says consumer culture promotes happiness as being typically associated with high levels of income and the capability it affords to acquire and accumulate material possessions.
“However, research is clear that attitudes to, and experiences of, materialistic approaches to life do not lead to increases in happiness or wellbeing. Nor do they lead to sustainable consumption necessary for planetary health.”
Between 2000 and 2019, global domestic material consumption increased by 66 per cent, tripling since the 1970s to reach 95.1 billion metric tons.
Growing consumer affluence and higher living standards have resulted in warnings of alarming trends of environmental degradation from human consumption.
This, coupled with global warming and post-pandemic health and financial anxieties, has led researchers and policymakers to call for a better understanding of the links between simple consumer lifestyles and wellbeing.
But co-author Professor Rob Aitken says this isn’t a case of just throwing out all your worldly possessions.
“It’s not directly the commitment to material simplicity that leads to wellbeing, but the psychological and emotional need fulfilment that derives from relationships, social connection, community involvement and a sense of living a purposeful and meaningful life.
“In a world where billionaire weddings are treated like state occasions and private yachts are the new status symbols, voluntary simplicity offers a quiet, powerful counter-narrative — one that values enough over excess, connection over consumption, and meaning over materialism.”
NewsMakers
Too much for some, just right for me – The truth about dating while plus-size
What is dating like for a plus-size woman? We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package.
By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All
Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.
I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.
The Fetish Factor
Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”
I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.
I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.
The Grateful Gambit
Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.
I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”
I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?
I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.
Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation
The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.
And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”
Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?
But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.
The good, the bad, and the big truth
Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.
But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.
I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”
The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.
So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.
Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.
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