By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All

Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.

I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.

The Fetish Factor

Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”

I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.

I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.

The Grateful Gambit

Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.

I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”

I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.

Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation

The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.

And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”

Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?

But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.

The good, the bad, and the big truth

Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.

But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.

I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.

So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.

Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.

A study conducted by researchers from the Federal University of São Carlos (UFSCar) found that 72.5% of young Brazilian women suffer from symptoms such as itching, discharge, and pain during intercourse. The study, which included 313 volunteers in their 30s, showed that, although these symptoms negatively affect quality of life and sexual health, they have largely been normalized. The data were published in the Brazilian Journal of Physical Therapy.

According to Ana Carolina Beleza, one of the authors of the article, there is still a strong taboo surrounding the subject. This leads many women to underestimate the impact of these symptoms on their health, daily life, and sex life. The research noted the contradiction between the prevalence and consequences of vulvovaginal problems. This is because, in addition to asking the participants if they had the symptoms, the questionnaire included scores on how they impacted different aspects of life.

“Even women who reported pain during sex rated the problem as having a low impact on their lives. The scores used to measure the impact of this and other symptoms were much lower than expected, revealing a worrying normalization. It’s important to note that experiencing pain during sex isn’t normal and should be investigated through clinical approaches. The tendency to normalize vulvovaginal symptoms underscores the need for more intimate health education, whether in schools or in healthcare,” argues Beleza, who coordinates the Center for Studies in Physiotherapy in Women’s Health (NEFISM) at UFSCar.

This study, supported by FAPESP, is the first to demonstrate the prevalence of vulvovaginal symptoms in young Brazilian women. According to the results, the most commonly reported symptoms were vaginal discharge (63%), itching (54%), burning (31%), vaginal dryness (30%), vaginal odor (28%), irritation (27%), and pain during intercourse (20%). Fewer than 30% of the participants reported having none of these problems.

The reported issues can have various causes, such as infections, as well as hormonal, dermatological, or muscular changes. While treatable, they can negatively affect emotional well-being, sexual function, self-confidence, and social life.

“This is an issue that requires a more global view, as it involves other aspects that go beyond health, such as cultural and emotional questions and a lack of knowledge about one’s own health,” says Clara Maria de Araujo Silva, the first author of the article and a researcher at NEFISM-UFSCar.

The taboo surrounding vulvovaginal symptoms is reflected in the limited number of studies on the subject. “This is the first one carried out in Brazil and for this age group. Even so, it was a surprise to see the high prevalence of vulvovaginal symptoms among young women. In this age group, symptoms such as pain and burning aren’t expected, since there are no hormonal changes associated with menopause, for example,” says Beleza.

Social determinants of health

The study suggests that, although symptoms are prevalent across all social and educational strata, they may be even more prevalent among women with lower incomes and education levels.

“This opens up a series of questions that we can investigate in future studies. We want to identify other factors, such as income, education, employment, housing conditions, and access to health services, that could influence the occurrence of symptoms. Based on this understanding, it’ll be possible to devise measures to reduce this prevalence and strategies so that these symptoms are no longer normalized,” predicts Beleza.

Tens of billions of kilograms of coffee are consumed around the world each year. However, due to its very specific agricultural needs, coffee can be difficult to cultivate, and ongoing climate change threatens its growth.

To efficiently meet the high demand for coffee grounds, researchers from the University of Pennsylvania worked to optimize their use in pour-over coffee. They presented their suggestions in Physics of Fluids, by AIP Publishing.

“What we recommend is making the pour height as high as possible, while still maintaining a laminar flow, where the jet doesn’t break up when it impacts the coffee grinds,” said author Ernest Park.

In particular, the group found the thick water jets typical of standard gooseneck kettles are ideal for achieving this necessary height and laminar flow. Strong — but focused — water jets create an avalanche in the coffee grounds. Displaced grounds recirculate as the water digs deeper into the coffee bed, allowing for better mixing between the water and the grounds, and thus, results in a stronger coffee with fewer beans. If the water jet is too thin, it cannot adequately create this interaction to achieve a desirable strength and sensory experience.

“If you have a thin jet, then it tends to break up into droplets,” said author Margot Young. “That’s what you want to avoid in these pour-overs, because that means the jet cannot mix the coffee grounds effectively.”

The dark color of coffee beans — and of coffee itself — makes it hard to demystify. Along with creating pour-over drinks with actual coffee grounds, the scientists supplemented their study with laser-illuminated transparent particles in a glass funnel to help thoroughly visualize the mixing dynamics and understand how the liquid jet affects the grains.

Though the group does not plan further studies related to coffee, they say there are many other parameters left to explore, such as the impacts of the size of the coffee grounds on the interplay between the physics and chemistry of the brewing process. When it comes to easy, accessible kitchen science, the researchers have some unorthodox advice: Do try this at home.

“We can really learn something from both the chemistry and physics point of view by looking at the kitchen,” said author Arnold Mathijssen. “It leads to new science where you didn’t expect it.”