Spotlight
Passion trumps love for sex in relationships
When women distinguish between sex and the relational and emotional aspects of a relationship, this determines how often couples in long-term relationships have sex; passion plays a significant role.
Men initiate sex more than three times as often as women do in a long-term, heterosexual relationship. However, previous research shows that sex happens far more often whenever the woman takes the initiative, suggesting that it is the woman who thus sets the limits to a greater extent than men do.
Psychologists at NTNU have investigated what other factors play a role for frequency of intercourse in couples in long-term relationships.
Two factors are decisive in how often women take the initiative at all.
Attitudes to casual sex
Women’s attitudes to casual sex play a major role, which may seem strange at first glance when talking about sex in long-term relationships. Because we’re not talking about extrapair affairs.
“This measure says describes how much women distinguish between the sexual aspects of a relationship and its relational and emotional aspects,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair at NTNU’s Department of Psychology.
Women who tend to be more open to casual sexual relationships differentiate between positive, physical aspects of sex and relational and emotional aspects of a relationship to a greater extent. A quarrel about the dishes or who vacuumed last may therefore not be as crucial to whether the couple has intercourse.
Often, whether one has sex or not is a compromise between the parties, and women who differentiate more between sex and other aspects are probably more willing to compromise. Men are ready to have sex to a much greater extent, regardless of his attitudes.
But the woman’s attitude to short-term sexual relationships, her sociosexual orientation, is not the only factor.
Got to have passion
“Passion in the relationship is of great importance for intercourse frequency,” says postdoctoral fellow Trond Viggo Grøntvedt at the Department of Psychology, who is the first author of a newly published article in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
The psychologists at NTNU considered several factors in their study, such as how happy people are in their relationship, how committed they feel to their partner, how intimate they are, how much they trust each other and the love between them.
All of these factors certainly have their good sides. But it’s not as simple as there being more sex just because the couple love and trust each other. Only the passion in the relationship can help predict the frequency of sex.
“Passion is actually the only one of these factors that matters. We didn’t find any association between any of the other aspects and how often people have sex in couple relationships,” says Grøntvedt.
The study included 92 couples aged 19 to 30. Relationships varied in length from one month to nine years, with an average of just under two years. The couples had sex two to three times a week on average.
Desire for others reduces passion
The longer the relationship had lasted, the less often the couples had sex. And one other factor in particular reduces the frequency.
“Love is a commitment mechanism, and there is less passion and desire in a relationship if a partner is more interested in others,” says Kennair.
“Strong sexual fantasies about others than the partner don’t mix well with passion in the relationship,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen, also at the Department of Psychology.
Only women’s attitudes decisive
“The most remarkable finding is perhaps that it’s only the woman’s attitudes to casual sex that affect the frequency of sexual intercourse,” says Kennair.
However, the findings may not apply to all cultures, Bendixen notes. They primarily apply to societies with more gender equality and female sexual control.
NewsMakers
Forget materialism, a simple life is happier: research
The commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.
In an age where billionaires and conspicuous consumption are increasingly on display, new Otago-led research shows a simple life really is a happier life.
The study led by University of Otago – Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka Department of Marketing researchers has recently been published in the Journal of Macromarketing.
After setting out to understand the relationship between consumption and wellbeing, the researchers found people are happier and more satisfied when adopting sustainable lifestyles and resisting the temptations of consumerism.
They analysed data from a representative sample of more than 1000 New Zealanders, made up of 51 per cent men and 49 per cent women, with a median age of 45 and a median annual household income of $50,000.
They found the commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.
Women are more likely to adopt a simple life than men, although more research is needed to understand why.
Co-author Associate Professor Leah Watkins says consumer culture promotes happiness as being typically associated with high levels of income and the capability it affords to acquire and accumulate material possessions.
“However, research is clear that attitudes to, and experiences of, materialistic approaches to life do not lead to increases in happiness or wellbeing. Nor do they lead to sustainable consumption necessary for planetary health.”
Between 2000 and 2019, global domestic material consumption increased by 66 per cent, tripling since the 1970s to reach 95.1 billion metric tons.
Growing consumer affluence and higher living standards have resulted in warnings of alarming trends of environmental degradation from human consumption.
This, coupled with global warming and post-pandemic health and financial anxieties, has led researchers and policymakers to call for a better understanding of the links between simple consumer lifestyles and wellbeing.
But co-author Professor Rob Aitken says this isn’t a case of just throwing out all your worldly possessions.
“It’s not directly the commitment to material simplicity that leads to wellbeing, but the psychological and emotional need fulfilment that derives from relationships, social connection, community involvement and a sense of living a purposeful and meaningful life.
“In a world where billionaire weddings are treated like state occasions and private yachts are the new status symbols, voluntary simplicity offers a quiet, powerful counter-narrative — one that values enough over excess, connection over consumption, and meaning over materialism.”
NewsMakers
Too much for some, just right for me – The truth about dating while plus-size
What is dating like for a plus-size woman? We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package.
By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All
Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.
I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.
The Fetish Factor
Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”
I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.
I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.
The Grateful Gambit
Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.
I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”
I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?
I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.
Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation
The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.
And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”
Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?
But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.
The good, the bad, and the big truth
Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.
But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.
I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”
The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.
So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.
Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.
NewsMakers
Research suggests drinking coffee may reduce the risk of frailty
Habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.
A new study published in the European Journal of Nutrition has suggested that habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.
The study, funded by the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee (ISIC) is the first to analyze the relationship between coffee consumption and the underlying components of frailty.
Coffee consumption has previously been linked to reducing the risk of some of the natural symptoms of ageing, such as improving cognitive function2 and mitigating against inflammatory related diseases. This latest research adds to the growing knowledge base within this area, exploring the benefits of regular coffee consumption over an extended period of time.
For this study, researchers conducted a detailed analysis over a long seven-year follow-up period, surveying 1,161 adults aged 55+ years through the Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam (LASA).
The relationship between coffee consumption and the presence and incidence of frailty was investigated. Frailty status was evaluated using Fried’s five-component frailty phenotype4,which is defined by the presence of three or more of the following symptoms: weight loss, weakness, exhaustion, slow gait (walking) speed, and low physical activity.
The results of this study indicate that higher habitual coffee consumption is associated with lower overall odds of frailty. These findings can be considered alongside the European Food Safety Authority’s (EFSA) scientific opinion that up to 400mg of caffeine (3-5 cups of coffee) per day is a moderate and safe amount5.
The researchers explain that coffee’s effect on reducing frailty can partly be attributed to the role of antioxidants in coffee, which may help to reduce inflammation, sarcopenia (muscle loss), and prevention of muscle damage. Coffee may also help to improve regulating insulin sensitivity and glucose uptake in older people.
The study’s lead author, Margreet R. Olthof, Associate Professor at the Amsterdam Public Health Research Institute, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, commented: “Drinking coffee is a key part of many people’s daily routine, and as people age they are constantly looking for ways to maintain their health. Our findings highlight the possible beneficial association between daily coffee consumption and reduced risk of frailty in later life in the older population. Coffee consumption may thus enhance healthy aging, but it is important we also explore further dietary interventions, to ensure older adults can continue to live fulfilling lives.”
* Moderate coffee consumption can be defined as 3–5 cups per day, based on the European Food Safety Authority’s review of caffeine safety.
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