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Men sometimes act less interested in sex… to get it

A man who gives the impression of wanting to have sex with anyone, anytime, is definitely not what most women are looking for. That could be why men acted way less interested in sex than they really were.

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Photo by Pablo Heimplatz from Unsplash.com

When heterosexuals have casual sex, previous research indicates it is typically the woman who sets the boundaries. If she’s not interested, usually nothing will happen.

“When men and women in the study met, about half of the men said they were interested in having sex with the woman, whereas most women were uninterested initially,” says Associate Professor Mons Bendixen at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology’s (NTNU) Department of Psychology.

So the women in the study basically have little interest in having casual sex at first – unless they find the man really attractive.

But a man who gives the impression of wanting to have sex with anyone, anytime, is definitely not what most women are looking for. That could be why men acted way less interested in sex than they really were.

“Men who are overly eager do not come across as attractive,” says Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair in the same department.

The whole thing is a tactical game, say the researchers, and the new NTNU research suggests that men and women’s real intentions may be different from the signals they send each other.

Bendixen is the first author of a recent study dealing with the sexual signals that men and women send to each other.

Do women really want to have sex?

Men who report being the most interested in having sex reduce their signals of interest more.

Evidence from the study suggested that women, on the other hand, might pretend to be a little more interested than they actually are.

“We think this may be to keep the man’s attention a little longer,” says Kennair, but this study does not speak to that directly.

Or perhaps the strategy gives her more opportunity to assess the quality of the guy. And as long as the woman does not seem to be excluding the possibility of sex, men across the board are willing to spend more time with her – and enabling her to check out whether he’s a good choice.

And, if a man is of high quality, that could actually shift the woman’s interest, so that an initially uninterested woman becomes truly interested in the man.

“The exception to this general sex difference is when the woman is as interested as the man. In this case, women also pretend to show less interest.”

“Both men and women who are truly interested in a partner might be trying to ‘play it cool.’ In economic terms, it’s about supply and demand. The most in-demand people are not the most available – they are a rare commodity in the mating game,” says Professor Martie Haselton of UCLA.

“By playing it cool, women and men can also avoid some of the sting of rejection if their partner is not actually interested in them,” says Haselton.

University intro week leads to more sex

The researchers collected two rounds of data from students at NTNU. The survey included questions such as when they last met with a potential sexual partner, and whether they eventually ended up having sex.

The first round of data collection took place in the spring, when most students are busy studying. The second round was in the autumn, right after the start of the semester and the introduction week activities.

The researchers found a significant difference between the two rounds. Sexual relationships were far more common during the autumn introduction week.

Women choose the most attractive guys

“Among singles, we found differences between men and women when it came to who ended up having sex,” says Bendixen.

Women were much more likely to have sex if they thought the potential partner was attractive. This was consistent with previous findings.

They were also far more likely to have sex if they were new students. Female students who had been at university for a while were much more selective.

“More than half of the new female students who had met an attractive partner the last time they were at a pub or at a party ended up having sex with him,” says Bendixen.

“This behaviour is probably related to two factors: one is the absence of ‘daughter-guarding’ or ‘sister-guarding'” once students arrive at university,” says Kennair.

Fathers – and siblings – might keep a watchful eye on young women’s sexual behaviour and dissuade them from having casual sex. This can be explained by evolutionary biology. But new students in a new city no longer have those same obstacles hindering their free sexual expression.

“The second factor has to do with the perception of increased competition for the men,” Bendixen says.

Female students outnumber male students. So in a lot of groups it can seem like there’s some competition for the men.

In this kind of a situation, women are more willing to have sex. The few guys that are available are simply perceived as more attractive.

Some get a lot – a lot get none

The most important factor in whether men had sex was how many sexual partners they have had previously. This could contribute to their being perceived as sexually attractive and available.

“It’s really the same reason for both men and women – the man’s sex appeal – that decides whether they end up having sex,” says Kennair.

So there’s a lot for some, and much less for the rest. Once a woman decides to have casual sex, she usually chooses the man she finds most sexually attractive.

Other studies show that long-term relationships function slightly differently. In this case women may have to lower their expectations a bit, because the most attractive men are often already taken or because they are able to pursue short-term relationships instead of long-term ones.

“A lot of women have had sex with more attractive partners than the men they end up with in long-term relationships,” says Kennair.

“In our research, women did not appear to act coy in general; rather both sexes downplay their signals if they are very interested. These are novel findings,” Bendixen notes. “Further, men do not pursue women that send signals of low interest.”

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Reference: APA PsycNET: Adjusting signals of sexual interest in the most recent naturally occurring opposite-sex encounter in two different contexts. Bendixen, Mons Kennair, Leif Edward Ottesen Biegler, Robert Haselton, Martie G.

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NewsMakers

Forget materialism, a simple life is happier: research

The commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.

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In an age where billionaires and conspicuous consumption are increasingly on display, new Otago-led research shows a simple life really is a happier life.

The study led by University of Otago – Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka Department of Marketing researchers has recently been published in the Journal of Macromarketing.

After setting out to understand the relationship between consumption and wellbeing, the researchers found people are happier and more satisfied when adopting sustainable lifestyles and resisting the temptations of consumerism.

They analysed data from a representative sample of more than 1000 New Zealanders, made up of 51 per cent men and 49 per cent women, with a median age of 45 and a median annual household income of $50,000.

They found the commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.

Women are more likely to adopt a simple life than men, although more research is needed to understand why.

Co-author Associate Professor Leah Watkins says consumer culture promotes happiness as being typically associated with high levels of income and the capability it affords to acquire and accumulate material possessions.

“However, research is clear that attitudes to, and experiences of, materialistic approaches to life do not lead to increases in happiness or wellbeing. Nor do they lead to sustainable consumption necessary for planetary health.”

Between 2000 and 2019, global domestic material consumption increased by 66 per cent, tripling since the 1970s to reach 95.1 billion metric tons.

Growing consumer affluence and higher living standards have resulted in warnings of alarming trends of environmental degradation from human consumption.

This, coupled with global warming and post-pandemic health and financial anxieties, has led researchers and policymakers to call for a better understanding of the links between simple consumer lifestyles and wellbeing.

But co-author Professor Rob Aitken says this isn’t a case of just throwing out all your worldly possessions.

“It’s not directly the commitment to material simplicity that leads to wellbeing, but the psychological and emotional need fulfilment that derives from relationships, social connection, community involvement and a sense of living a purposeful and meaningful life.

“In a world where billionaire weddings are treated like state occasions and private yachts are the new status symbols, voluntary simplicity offers a quiet, powerful counter-narrative — one that values enough over excess, connection over consumption, and meaning over materialism.”

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Too much for some, just right for me – The truth about dating while plus-size

What is dating like for a plus-size woman? We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package.

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By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All

Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.

Photo by @canweallgo from Unsplash.com

I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.

The Fetish Factor

Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”

I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.

I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.

The Grateful Gambit

Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.

I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”

I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.

Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation

The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.

And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”

Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?

But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.

The good, the bad, and the big truth

Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.

But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.

I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.

So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.

Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.

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Research suggests drinking coffee may reduce the risk of frailty

Habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.

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A new study published in the European Journal of Nutrition has suggested that habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.

The study, funded by the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee (ISIC) is the first to analyze the relationship between coffee consumption and the underlying components of frailty.

Coffee consumption has previously been linked to reducing the risk of some of the natural symptoms of ageing, such as improving cognitive function2 and mitigating against inflammatory related diseases. This latest research adds to the growing knowledge base within this area, exploring the benefits of regular coffee consumption over an extended period of time. 

For this study, researchers conducted a detailed analysis over a long seven-year follow-up period, surveying 1,161 adults aged 55+ years through the Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam (LASA). 

The relationship between coffee consumption and the presence and incidence of frailty was investigated. Frailty status was evaluated using Fried’s five-component frailty phenotype4,which is defined by the presence of three or more of the following symptoms: weight loss, weakness, exhaustion, slow gait (walking) speed, and low physical activity.

The results of this study indicate that higher habitual coffee consumption is associated with lower overall odds of frailty. These findings can be considered alongside the European Food Safety Authority’s (EFSA) scientific opinion that up to 400mg of caffeine (3-5 cups of coffee) per day is a moderate and safe amount5.

The researchers explain that coffee’s effect on reducing frailty can partly be attributed to the role of antioxidants in coffee, which may help to reduce inflammation, sarcopenia (muscle loss), and prevention of muscle damage. Coffee may also help to improve regulating insulin sensitivity and glucose uptake in older people.

The study’s lead author, Margreet R. Olthof, Associate Professor at the Amsterdam Public Health Research Institute, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, commented: “Drinking coffee is a key part of many people’s daily routine, and as people age they are constantly looking for ways to maintain their health. Our findings highlight the possible beneficial association between daily coffee consumption and reduced risk of frailty in later life in the older population. Coffee consumption may thus enhance healthy aging, but it is important we also explore further dietary interventions, to ensure older adults can continue to live fulfilling lives.” 

* Moderate coffee consumption can be defined as 3–5 cups per day, based on the European Food Safety Authority’s review of caffeine safety.

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