{"id":10358,"date":"2025-06-06T11:18:52","date_gmt":"2025-06-06T03:18:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/?p=10358"},"modified":"2025-06-06T11:22:02","modified_gmt":"2025-06-06T03:22:02","slug":"too-much-for-some-just-right-for-me-the-truth-about-dating-while-plus-size","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/too-much-for-some-just-right-for-me-the-truth-about-dating-while-plus-size\/","title":{"rendered":"Too much for some, just right for me – The truth about dating while plus-size"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn\u2019t for the faint of heart. We don\u2019t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like \u201cconnection\u201d and \u201cvibes.\u201d What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package\u2014not just the size of it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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Photo by @canweallgo from Unsplash.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I\u2019ve been dating online for years now\u2014Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover<\/a> (don\u2019t judge). I\u2019ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I\u2019ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Fetish Factor<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies\u2014but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I\u2019ve always had a thing for thick girls.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to think that was a compliment. But it\u2019s not, not when it\u2019s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don\u2019t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he\u2019d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine\u2014I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Grateful Gambit<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Then there\u2019s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It\u2019s subtle sometimes, but oh, it\u2019s there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone\u2014but I also refuse to hide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s not all trash. I\u2019ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The good, the bad, and the big truth<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019ve also never been more sure of who I am. I\u2019ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn\u2019t see my worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve cried after bad dates, yes. I\u2019ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I\u2019ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You\u2019re the most beautiful woman I\u2019ve ever met.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It\u2019s that much sweeter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So to every plus-size woman out there who\u2019s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved\u2014because trust me, you absolutely do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is dating like for a plus-size woman? We don\u2019t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like \u201cconnection\u201d and \u201cvibes.\u201d What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":10359,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[2455,2183,2454,2496,2155,247,2039,2061],"class_list":["post-10358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-newsmakers","category-spotlight","tag-dating-tips","tag-life-hacks","tag-life-tips","tag-plus-size-women","tag-women-empowerment","tag-womens-health","tag-womens-rights","tag-young-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10358","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10358"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10358\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10361,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10358\/revisions\/10361"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10359"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zestmag.com\/online\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}