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Accept grief amid COVID-19 pandemic

Here are four suggestions that can help people to cope with current events.

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Photo by Megan te Boekhorst from Unsplash.com

As the COVID-19 pandemic upends life as people know it, changing daily routines, limiting social interactions and shaking their sense of safety, a  mental health experts from US hospital Cleveland Clinic’s Mellen Center is stressing that it is perfectly acceptable to feel sad about all of it.

She points out that grief is a natural response to loss – whether it is the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a sense of normalcy.

“We are experiencing a lot of disappointment right now — in both small and big ways — and grief is going to be a factor,” says clinical health psychologist Amy Sullivan, PsyD, ABPP.

“It’s really important that we process this and stay connected to other people in safe ways,” she adds.

Regarding how people should go about dealing with all of these difficult and unexpected feelings bubbling up, she says there is no right or wrong way. However, she offers four suggestions that can help people to cope with current events.

1. Look through the lens of grief and process emotions

She says that the stages of grief can provide a helpful framework for navigating these complex emotions. Experts recognize these stages as denial, anger, bargaining, despair, and acceptance. However, these experts also know that people do not step neatly from one stage to the next in this exact order, she says.

“Grief can come in waves and change on a very regular basis. Our feelings can change on a daily, or even an hourly, basis,” she explains.

Dr. Sullivan adds it is normal to go from feeling despair one day to anger the next.

“The first thing we need to do is to recognize that it is normal to have these waves of emotions that are happening on a regular basis,” Dr. Sullivan says.

Next, she says, acknowledge the loss whether it is knowing or losing someone with COVID-19, losing jobs, missing friends or family.

“Those are all very sad, difficult things for people to manage,” Dr. Sullivan says.

“Feel what you are feeling — whether it is being overwhelmed, anxious, powerless or anything else, it can help to identify and name these emotions,” she advises.

“It can be quite powerful to sit with those feelings for a few moments — to really recognize those emotions and normalize them,” she says.

However, she advises people to set a time limit on this, suggesting they give themselves five minutes to feel that emotion, and then move on to something that they know is a positive coping skill for them.

“It is important for us to accept where our feelings are at the moment and process through them, and then move into a more positive position of acceptance,” she says.

She says this can be done by identifying their own best coping mechanisms

“This is a time when people need to become innovative and develop their own individual sense of coping that works for them during this time,” she says. Examples might include deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, journaling, talking with another person, or going for a walk.

“If it comes to a point where someone cannot handle these feelings on their own, they need to seek mental health help,” Dr. Sullivan says.

2. Fight the urge to disengage

Dr. Sullivan stresses that staying connected is a powerful tool for coping during hard times. Whether that comes in the form of video chatting or sending a good old-fashioned letter, staying in touch with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers can help people to keep a positive attitude, she says.

She adds that many trained mental and behavioral health professionals are currently seeing patients through virtual visits, so that if people are having trouble coping, this could be a solution.

3. Focus on what can be controlled

Dr. Sullivan says that when there is so much uncertainty about the future, it is easy for people to get carried away, playing out the worst-case scenarios in their heads, for example worrying about themselves or someone else getting COVID-19, or wondering if things will ever get back to normal.

“Anticipating negative events can bring a sense of anxiety or fear,” Dr. Sullivan says.

She advises that, instead of agonizing over the things that cannot be known or controlled, people should be aware of what they do have control over. For example, they can choose how much news or social media they consume in a day, and they can decide what they eat. She recommends being mindful about these choices, and focusing on staying in the present.

4. Be open to joy

Lastly, Dr. Sullivan advises people  to find joy and gratitude in the small things, like a video chat with family members, or the rush of fresh air when they open a window or step outside. She adds that if they are under a lockdown order, they can find ways to appreciate the opportunity to step back from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and being home.

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Forget materialism, a simple life is happier: research

The commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.

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In an age where billionaires and conspicuous consumption are increasingly on display, new Otago-led research shows a simple life really is a happier life.

The study led by University of Otago – Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka Department of Marketing researchers has recently been published in the Journal of Macromarketing.

After setting out to understand the relationship between consumption and wellbeing, the researchers found people are happier and more satisfied when adopting sustainable lifestyles and resisting the temptations of consumerism.

They analysed data from a representative sample of more than 1000 New Zealanders, made up of 51 per cent men and 49 per cent women, with a median age of 45 and a median annual household income of $50,000.

They found the commitment to simple living, or ‘voluntary simplicity’ as it is formally known, leads to wellbeing through providing more opportunities for personal interaction and social connection than conventional contexts of exchange, such as community gardens, sharing resources, and peer-to-peer lending platforms.

Women are more likely to adopt a simple life than men, although more research is needed to understand why.

Co-author Associate Professor Leah Watkins says consumer culture promotes happiness as being typically associated with high levels of income and the capability it affords to acquire and accumulate material possessions.

“However, research is clear that attitudes to, and experiences of, materialistic approaches to life do not lead to increases in happiness or wellbeing. Nor do they lead to sustainable consumption necessary for planetary health.”

Between 2000 and 2019, global domestic material consumption increased by 66 per cent, tripling since the 1970s to reach 95.1 billion metric tons.

Growing consumer affluence and higher living standards have resulted in warnings of alarming trends of environmental degradation from human consumption.

This, coupled with global warming and post-pandemic health and financial anxieties, has led researchers and policymakers to call for a better understanding of the links between simple consumer lifestyles and wellbeing.

But co-author Professor Rob Aitken says this isn’t a case of just throwing out all your worldly possessions.

“It’s not directly the commitment to material simplicity that leads to wellbeing, but the psychological and emotional need fulfilment that derives from relationships, social connection, community involvement and a sense of living a purposeful and meaningful life.

“In a world where billionaire weddings are treated like state occasions and private yachts are the new status symbols, voluntary simplicity offers a quiet, powerful counter-narrative — one that values enough over excess, connection over consumption, and meaning over materialism.”

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Too much for some, just right for me – The truth about dating while plus-size

What is dating like for a plus-size woman? We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package.

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By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All

Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.

Photo by @canweallgo from Unsplash.com

I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.

The Fetish Factor

Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”

I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.

I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.

The Grateful Gambit

Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.

I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”

I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.

Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation

The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.

And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”

Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?

But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.

The good, the bad, and the big truth

Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.

But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.

I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.

So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.

Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.

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Research suggests drinking coffee may reduce the risk of frailty

Habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.

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A new study published in the European Journal of Nutrition has suggested that habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.

The study, funded by the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee (ISIC) is the first to analyze the relationship between coffee consumption and the underlying components of frailty.

Coffee consumption has previously been linked to reducing the risk of some of the natural symptoms of ageing, such as improving cognitive function2 and mitigating against inflammatory related diseases. This latest research adds to the growing knowledge base within this area, exploring the benefits of regular coffee consumption over an extended period of time. 

For this study, researchers conducted a detailed analysis over a long seven-year follow-up period, surveying 1,161 adults aged 55+ years through the Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam (LASA). 

The relationship between coffee consumption and the presence and incidence of frailty was investigated. Frailty status was evaluated using Fried’s five-component frailty phenotype4,which is defined by the presence of three or more of the following symptoms: weight loss, weakness, exhaustion, slow gait (walking) speed, and low physical activity.

The results of this study indicate that higher habitual coffee consumption is associated with lower overall odds of frailty. These findings can be considered alongside the European Food Safety Authority’s (EFSA) scientific opinion that up to 400mg of caffeine (3-5 cups of coffee) per day is a moderate and safe amount5.

The researchers explain that coffee’s effect on reducing frailty can partly be attributed to the role of antioxidants in coffee, which may help to reduce inflammation, sarcopenia (muscle loss), and prevention of muscle damage. Coffee may also help to improve regulating insulin sensitivity and glucose uptake in older people.

The study’s lead author, Margreet R. Olthof, Associate Professor at the Amsterdam Public Health Research Institute, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, commented: “Drinking coffee is a key part of many people’s daily routine, and as people age they are constantly looking for ways to maintain their health. Our findings highlight the possible beneficial association between daily coffee consumption and reduced risk of frailty in later life in the older population. Coffee consumption may thus enhance healthy aging, but it is important we also explore further dietary interventions, to ensure older adults can continue to live fulfilling lives.” 

* Moderate coffee consumption can be defined as 3–5 cups per day, based on the European Food Safety Authority’s review of caffeine safety.

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