By: A Curvy Queen Who’s Seen It All

Let me be real with you: dating as a plus-size woman isn’t for the faint of heart. We don’t get the fairytale, the montage-worthy meet-cute in the bookstore, or the sweet swipe-rights with guys who use words like “connection” and “vibes.” What we get is a mixed bag of awkward encounters, accidental comedy, the occasional ghosting, and sometimes, someone who sees us as the whole damn package—not just the size of it.

I’m 33, a size 20, and I live in a city where everyone seems to be on a green juice cleanse or training for a marathon. My idea of a perfect day includes a cheese board, a crime documentary, and wearing something soft and oversized. I’ve been dating online for years now—Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, even a brief stint on Bigger Lover (don’t judge). I’ve had first dates that turned into second dates, and others that ended before the appetizer even came. But through it all, I’ve learned some hard truths about dating while plus-size.

The Fetish Factor

Let’s start with the obvious: there are guys out there who fetishize plus-size women. They love our bodies—but only in private. They send you those thirsty DMs like, “I’ve always had a thing for thick girls.”

I used to think that was a compliment. But it’s not, not when it’s the first thing they lead with, not when you realize they don’t care about your name, your career, or your sense of humor. Just your body.

I once met a guy off Tinder who spent our entire date talking about how much he “loved curves” and how he’d “never dated a big girl before.” He kept asking if I was into feederism (I had to Google it when I got home). I never heard from him again, which was fine—I didn’t need to be someone’s body experiment.

The Grateful Gambit

Then there’s this weird idea that plus-size women are supposed to be grateful for attention, as if someone choosing to date us is some charitable act. It’s subtle sometimes, but oh, it’s there.

I had a guy once tell me, over drinks, “I like girls who are a little bigger. They try harder, you know? They’re just more appreciative.”

I blinked. Tried harder at what? Breathing through my rage?

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever considered that maybe I’m not grateful to be on a date with him either. But instead, I left.

Online Dating – A Love-Hate Situation

The apps are their own beast. My profile is cute, funny, and unapologetically me. I mention that I love bookstores, brunch, and body positivity. I always include full-body pics, because I refuse to trick anyone—but I also refuse to hide.

And still, I get messages like: “You’re actually really pretty for a big girl.”

Sir, would you be willing to grow a personality for someone you really liked?

But it’s not all trash. I’ve had some sweet, genuine conversations and some fun dates. Not every guy is clueless. Some are kind, open, and emotionally intelligent.

The good, the bad, and the big truth

Dating while fat is exhausting. You have to weed through people who want to fix you, people who want to hide you, people who only want to sleep with you, and people who see you as their emotional support girlfriend.

But I’ve also never been more sure of who I am. I’ve learned to ask better questions, to take up space, and to walk away when someone doesn’t see my worth.

I’ve cried after bad dates, yes. I’ve called friends from bathroom stalls and whispered, “Why is this so hard?” But I’ve also danced in my kitchen with someone who made me feel radiant, kissed under streetlights, and been told, with complete sincerity, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

The truth is, being plus-size in the dating world means you see people for who they really are, faster. It forces you to develop an inner filter. You learn to walk away without guilt. And when you do meet someone who loves you not in spite of your size but as a part of your magic? It’s that much sweeter.

So to every plus-size woman out there who’s ever felt invisible, unworthy, or too much: you’re not too much. You might just be too real for the wrong person.

Keep showing up. Keep swiping. And keep loving yourself like you deserve to be loved—because trust me, you absolutely do.

A new study published in the European Journal of Nutrition has suggested that habitual coffee consumption of 4-6 cups and over* (with one cup measuring at 125ml) per day is associated with a reduced risk of frailty.

The study, funded by the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee (ISIC) is the first to analyze the relationship between coffee consumption and the underlying components of frailty.

Coffee consumption has previously been linked to reducing the risk of some of the natural symptoms of ageing, such as improving cognitive function² and mitigating against inflammatory related diseases. This latest research adds to the growing knowledge base within this area, exploring the benefits of regular coffee consumption over an extended period of time. 

For this study, researchers conducted a detailed analysis over a long seven-year follow-up period, surveying 1,161 adults aged 55+ years through the Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam (LASA). 

The relationship between coffee consumption and the presence and incidence of frailty was investigated. Frailty status was evaluated using Fried’s five-component frailty phenotype⁴,which is defined by the presence of three or more of the following symptoms: weight loss, weakness, exhaustion, slow gait (walking) speed, and low physical activity.

The results of this study indicate that higher habitual coffee consumption is associated with lower overall odds of frailty. These findings can be considered alongside the European Food Safety Authority’s (EFSA) scientific opinion that up to 400mg of caffeine (3-5 cups of coffee) per day is a moderate and safe amount⁵.

The researchers explain that coffee’s effect on reducing frailty can partly be attributed to the role of antioxidants in coffee, which may help to reduce inflammation, sarcopenia (muscle loss), and prevention of muscle damage. Coffee may also help to improve regulating insulin sensitivity and glucose uptake in older people.

The study’s lead author, Margreet R. Olthof, Associate Professor at the Amsterdam Public Health Research Institute, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, commented: “Drinking coffee is a key part of many people’s daily routine, and as people age they are constantly looking for ways to maintain their health. Our findings highlight the possible beneficial association between daily coffee consumption and reduced risk of frailty in later life in the older population. Coffee consumption may thus enhance healthy aging, but it is important we also explore further dietary interventions, to ensure older adults can continue to live fulfilling lives.” 

* Moderate coffee consumption can be defined as 3–5 cups per day, based on the European Food Safety Authority’s review of caffeine safety.

We’re nearly two months into 2025, but if you’re struggling to hold onto your New Year’s resolution, stay strong, as University of South Australia research shows that forming a healthy habit can take longer than you expect.

In the first systematic review of its kind, UniSA researchers found that new habits can begin forming within about two months (median of 59–66 days) but can take up to 335 days to establish.

It’s an important finding that could inform health interventions to promote healthy behaviours and prevent chronic disease.

In Australia, chronic disease contributes to a large portion of the disease burden. Many conditions, including type 2 diabetes, heart disease, lung diseases and stroke, can be prevented by changing unhealthy habits or lifestyle factors. 

University of South Australia researcher, Dr Ben Singh, says that contrary to popular belief, healthy habits take far longer than three weeks to lock down.

“Adopting healthy habits is essential for long-term well-being but forming these habits – and breaking unhealthy ones – can be challenging,” Dr Singh says.

“At the beginning of the year, many of us are setting goals and making plans for the months ahead –things like being more active, cutting back on sugar, or making healthier food choices – but while common wisdom suggests that it takes just 21 days to form such habits, these claims are not evidence-based.

“In our research, we’ve found that habit formation starts within around two months, but there is significant variability, with formation times ranging from four days to nearly a year.

“So, it’s important for people who are hoping to make healthier habits not to give up at that mythical three-week mark.”

The study of more than 2600 participants also found that certain factors can influence successful habit formation.

“When trying to establish a new healthy habit, success can be influenced by a range of things including how frequently we undertake the new activity, the timing of the practice, and whether we enjoy it or not,” Dr Singh says.

“If you add a new practice to your morning routine, the data shows that you’re more likely to achieve it. You’re also more likely to stick to a new habit if you enjoy it.

“Planning and intending to complete a new behaviour can also help solidify a new habit, so make sure you continue to make time to include your new healthy habits into your everyday activities. This could be as easy as laying out your gym clothes the night before a morning walk or having a healthy lunch ready to go in the fridge.

“Tailoring habit-building strategies into our day and making plans on how we can achieve them, will put you in a position for success.”

While more research is needed, researchers say that these findings can guide public health initiatives and personalised programs that support sustained and healthy behaviour change.